


One Journey For You

by poppyfields13



Category: Jonas Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-08
Updated: 2009-12-08
Packaged: 2017-10-21 14:19:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppyfields13/pseuds/poppyfields13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin boards a ship destined for the other side of the world, to escape. But on board he meets someone he can’t escape, and also finds there are things about himself that he can never escape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Journey For You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the jonas_harlequin challenge at LiveJournal.
> 
> Title(s) from “Magic” by Ladyhawke.
> 
> The characters within are only based on real people, this is purely fiction and I am not implying events within to be occurrences in real life.

  
_one journey for you but it’s worth it, one life here with me and it’s magic._   


 

  
**1\. i didn’t know your name**   


I had done one of the most spontaneous things I had ever done in my life, or, perhaps to describe it more correctly, one of the bravest. In fact, it was _the_ bravest thing I had ever done.

I did it purely out of desperation. I simply couldn’t live the life that was expected of me, not anymore. My parents forcing me into marrying Danielle was probably the only thing about my life that I truly resented. I could tolerate everything else, I didn’t like it, but I accepted it. But marrying her was just too much, I couldn’t take it anymore. So I left. I finally took control.

I left in the middle of the night, with minimal luggage, sacrificing clothing for my guitar and art supplies. I knew there was a ship leaving for New Zealand the next morning, the _Aphrodite_ , and I intended to be on it. I had plenty of money, and for once I was grateful for my family’s wealth and status. I waited by the ship anxiously until dawn, and then I was able to secure my passage. I climbed aboard straight away. My room was very small, which I wasn’t used to, but it was the least of my worries. I sat on the tiny bed and waited. I wasn’t going to feel safe until I was gone. Gone For Good.

♥

  


  
**2\. i made a start with you**   


My memory of my first week on board is rather vague. I was seasick and stayed in bed. I remembered someone bringing me broth and fresh water, but I had no idea who it was. Although the days were a feverish blur, I know that they made me wonder if I had made a mistake. It wasn’t just the sickness that made me wonder this. All the time I had lying in bed, I was often too sick to sleep but too conscious to ignore the thoughts that didn’t involve my poor physical state. I worried that the choice I made was too rash, too fanciful. I didn’t know what I was going to do when I got to New Zealand. I knew most people were going to farm the land. I had no experience of farming at all. The skills I did have would be of no use there. They, I, would be wasted.

When I finally felt better, I was so weak that I still found it difficult to drag myself out of bed, but I needed to get out of that room. I walked out onto the deck and squinted up at the blue sky. I breathed the fresh air in deeply, the smell so salty and different from what I was used to. I walked to the side and looked down at the choppy waves and felt truly scared for the first time in my life. I was all alone, going to a foreign country and I was terrified. I was in the middle of the ocean where none of my family knew where I was.

“You must be Kevin Hathaway,” a voice boomed behind me, making me jump.

I turned around to see a man walking towards me with a fake smile on his face. He was short and bald and I was surprised when he introduced himself as the captain of the ship.

“Hello Sir, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” As always, I felt like a hypocrite when I said those words, and I felt annoyed that I hadn’t escaped the fact that it was still required of me to say them.

“Glad to see that you’re feeling well. Will you be joining us for dinner tonight?”

“I’d be honoured, Sir.” I couldn’t refuse, all of the upper class passengers ate with the captain. Besides, I was tired of broth.

“Good, Good.” The captain looked around anxiously, as if his surroundings would give him some clue of what to say next. I wasn’t making it easy for him, either. Then the captain spotted something, or someone, and he called out to them in relief. “Nicholas!”

I watched as the captain beckoned over a slender boy with curly brown hair, not at all dissimilar to my own. Another boy with raven hair followed him, looking bored.

“Kevin, I would like you to meet Nicholas Jonas, and his brother Joseph.”

I nodded my head. “Nice to meet you.”

Nicholas grinned. “So, you have gotten used to the ship at last?” he asked.

Before I could respond, the captain interrupted, “Nicholas has been the one looking after you.”

My eyes widened in surprise. “He has?”

Nicholas nodded. “I was happy to help. I’m used to looking after Joseph anyway, so it wasn’t a problem.”

Joseph frowned. He still hadn’t said a word.

It was then that I realised that it couldn’t have been a servant who had tended to me, because I hadn’t brought one with me. I had always just taken them for granted. Doing things for myself was another thing I would have to get used to. I was very embarrassed that this boy, who looked to be several years younger than me, had had to look after me in that state. Just knowing I was seen by him in that state was humiliating.

I forced myself to thank him as courteously as I could manage. I could feel that my cheeks were crimson.

“I’m sure you boys will become great friends. You’ll definitely be spending enough time together,” the captain said, quite ominously in my opinion, and then he excused himself.

The three of us stood facing each other awkwardly. I noticed that Joseph seemed to be studying me and it made me very uncomfortable. Nicholas attempted to start a conversation, “So, why are you travelling to New Zealand?”

For some reason, I was not prepared for that question. I should have known I would be asked that, but I had been too preoccupied. I still had no idea what I was going to do when I got there. Under pressure I failed to come up with an excuse and said, “I needed to get away.”

Nicholas obviously wasn’t expecting that answer, but he quickly covered up his uneasiness by launching into his own story, about how he was going to have his own farm, and become very prosperous. It sounded like a speech and I knew I wasn’t the first person he had told it all to.

Joseph, who still hadn’t contributed to the conversation, finally spoke. “I’m going to find gold,” he said. It was very strange, he said it with a rebellious tone to his voice, as if he was daring either Nicholas or I to tell him he wasn’t allowed to do that. It was like he needed someone to disobey.

Nicholas frowned but didn’t say anything, and I was too shocked to respond. Joseph’s eyes were piercing defiance into me and I didn’t like it at all. I turned back to Nicholas and, feigning interest, began to ask him more questions about his farm. I tried to ignore Joseph’s eyes which I could still feel burning into me.

We talked at great length for most of the morning. I could tell that Nicholas was a very sincere person, and took the reason for his voyage very seriously. He really wanted to start a new life in New Zealand, a good one, and there was no doubt in my mind that he would do it.

His brother Joseph on the other hand… excluding the bizarre feelings I got from him, he seemed like nothing more than a ridiculous dandy. I wondered why Nicholas had brought Joseph with him, I was sure he would be a hindrance to his younger brother somehow.

As I was getting ready for luncheon I scoffed to myself at Joseph’s statement about finding gold. I knew it wasn’t at all impossible, I had heard about the gold in New Zealand, but for some reason I was annoyed by Joseph’s goal. It was the way he said it, like he was so sure he would find gold – just find his fortune that way, instead of working like his brother. He was so sure of himself. It crossed my mind that I was jealous of him, but then I scolded myself for the thought. As if I could possibly be jealous of someone as pompous as Joseph.

♥

  


  
**3\. a mouth full of attitude**   


My father had always found my hobby too feminine, so I had kept my art… not secret, because I allowed my mother to see it, but I never flaunted it in front of my father. He didn’t care that I had a talent for it; all he saw was another part of me that wasn’t sufficiently masculine.

Even though I was, by now, miles and miles away from my father, I still felt a nagging self-consciousness as I carried my easel and paints onto the deck of the ship. I relaxed a little when I saw that it was just me and a few of the crew who were outside. I looked around for inspiration and then decided to paint the sails blowing in the wind above me, very white against the blue sky.

I got lost, as I always did, as I recreated the scene, and didn’t notice much of what was going on around me. When I was painting, it was the only time when I wasn’t hyper aware of my surroundings. It was the only time I truly felt like I was my own person.

Suddenly, I felt someone leaning over my shoulder. I jerked away and turned around swiftly, to find that the person was Joseph. Although it was unexpected, I wasn’t that surprised to find it was him, it seemed like the sort of thing he would be amused by. My face turned hard. “Is there something you wanted?” I asked, my tone harsher than I intended it to be.

He ignored my question and leaned in closer to inspect my work. “It’s pretty,” he said, “But… there is something missing.”

“And what might that be?” I demanded.

Joseph didn’t seem to notice my rudeness. “Well, it just seems… lifeless. There is no charisma.”

At that point, I saw red. How dare he say that to me? I took it as a personal offence. I felt like he was saying that because my art had no charisma, _I_ had no charisma, and that bothered me very much, though I didn’t know why.

Without saying another word to him, I packed up my things and stormed off back to my room. I threw my things down in a fury. The painting landed face down on my bedspread. It wasn’t dry, and when I picked it up it was smudged and ruined. I sat down, defeated.

Maybe Joseph was right. Looking at the painting in my hands, although it was smudged, the sails looked stiff, and not as if they were blowing freely in the wind. I felt like it didn’t even matter that they were now destroyed.

Maybe there was no charisma because I still felt trapped. I wondered if my plan to escape from captivity hadn’t been so bright. Now instead of having no freedom on land, I had no freedom at sea. The vast amount of water only gave the _appearance_ of freedom and it had deceived me.

♥

  


  
**4\. but it’s not fair**   


Supper was definitely not my favourite part of the day. Every single day it made me realise that even though I was on my way to the other side of the world, I could not escape the bourgeois etiquette that was expected of me.

All the guests were expected to eat with the captain at this time of the day, which meant I had to be on my best behaviour. This was especially hard when I was still very offended by what Joseph had said to me, and he had intentionally sat in the seat that was directly opposite mine.

I pointedly refused to look at him and engaged in conversation with the couple sitting next to me. Unfortunately, they were rather boring and my mind started to wander. I noticed that the captain had captivated the attention of most of the guests and I tuned in to that conversation. I then wished I hadn’t.

He was telling everyone what a dismal pianist his daughter was. I tried not to show the discomfort I felt with the conversation but it was difficult. I glanced at the captain’s daughter, who was staring at her lap in shame, and I felt an overwhelming sense of pity for her. I knew how it felt to constantly be criticised by my father. I had been able to escape it, she probably never would.

Thinking he was being rather amusing, the captain then started to remark on his daughter’s lack of talent for painting. I swallowed the nausea that had risen to my mouth. I felt like I was still at home.

“Kevin is a very good artist,” Joseph suddenly interrupted. Everybody turned to look at him. I stared at him with incredulity. I was mortified.

“Is that so?” the captain asked me.

“Er, Yes sir,” I mumbled. “I mean… my talent is… adequate.” According to Joseph my art was non-charismatic, the little amount of faith I had in my ability had been severely damaged by what he had said. Which made it even more confusing that he was now complimenting me.

“Well that’s fantastic!” the captain said. “We need good artists to capture the beautiful landscape. It is a wonderful form of advertising.”

“Really?” I asked, momentarily distracted.

“Of course,” he confirmed.

I glanced back at Joseph who looked very smug. I wondered if he had done this just to embarrass me. I felt as if he was playing some sort of game with me and I didn’t like it. I glared at him and then went back to ignoring him for the rest of the night.

♥

  


  
**5\. you stayed in my head**   


As I was making my way to my room as soon as it was acceptable for me to leave the dining room, someone called out my name behind me.

I turned around to see Joseph hurrying to catch up with me. I frowned at him, “What is it? Are you expecting me to thank you for meddling in my business?”

Joseph’s smile faltered. “No. Um, actually, I wanted to apologise for meddling in your business. And for offending you. You really are a good artist; I didn’t mean to imply that you aren’t.”

I raised an eyebrow doubtfully. I felt very suspicious of his apology, thinking it might just be part of the game he was clearly playing. However, as I studied his face, searching for insincerity, all I could see was big hazel eyes, that had strands of hair falling innocently into them. Then his pretty pink lips pouting slightly, and matching flushed cheeks.

I quickly turned around and continued to my room.

♥

  


  
**6\. you stole me away**   


I avoided Joseph as much as I could over the next week, although I was polite to his brother Nicholas, who I was beginning to quite like. I discovered that he also played the guitar and we had a very interesting conversation about music one night during dinner. Joseph glowered at us the whole time.

As I was getting ready for bed that night there was a knock on my door. I quickly opened it thinking there might be some kind of emergency; instead, I was surprised to find Joseph waiting there. “Before you shut the door in my face,” he said, “I want to apologise again. I really am sorry.”

I sighed. He looked so eager and it was too hard for me to resist. “Would you like to come in?” I asked; my voice held a worrying tone. He nodded and slowly walked into the small space that was my room. I watched him with trepidation. He was so unpredictable, such a mystery to me and I didn’t know what to say to him or what to do at all.

He comfortably studied my room, as if he was actually interested, but then suddenly tensed. I followed his gaze and I too tensed when I realised what he had seen. The ruined painting. It was poking out from underneath my bed, it must have moved due to the ship constantly rocking backwards and forwards. I hurriedly stepped forwards and kicked it back under the bed. I was utterly embarrassed, and I couldn’t look him in the eye.

Carefully, Joseph placed a hand on my shoulder. I wanted to shrug it off; I was scared to have him touch me, but I couldn’t do anything. I was paralysed by how nice it felt. He moved his hand along the fabric of my shirt where my collarbone was, and then I felt the warm tips of his fingers on my neck. I gasped and the beating of my heart doubled in speed. I could barely breathe as his fingers tingled up my neck, along my jaw line, and stopped at my burning cheek.

I finally looked into his eyes, I couldn’t help it, and when I did I instantly knew what was about to happen. He was going to kiss me. As I saw him leaning forwards, closing his eyes, I finally got control over my body and I pushed him away as hard as I could.

He slammed hard into the door, but I was too upset to feel any remorse. “What… what are you _do_ ing?” I demanded.

Joseph’s expression changed from shocked to angry. “What do you think? I was trying to kiss you, of course.”

Although I knew it, my expression was offended. “How dare you? I have never in my life met someone as impertinent and… _presumptuous_ as you. Never!”

Joseph sneered, “You say that as if it’s a bad thing.”

I couldn’t even respond. My fists balled up in anger. “Just get out,” I ordered through clenched teeth.

“Fine.” He turned and opened the door, but before he left, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I know you want it as much as I do.”

♥

  


  
**7\. you’re over the atlantic baby**   


That night, once I finally got to sleep, I had a dream that I was a merman. Joseph was one as well, and we were swimming together, in very Deep Water. I kept trying to swim to the surface, I wanted to be human, but Joseph was holding onto my hand too tightly and he wouldn’t let me. He pulled me deeper and deeper under. He was determined to show me something and finally we swam through a tunnel, and on the other side was a clearing and it was full of beautiful coloured fish, and coral and seaweed. Pearls scattered the earth. Joseph beamed at me, but I frowned at him, I still wanted to be human. Then he got very angry at me.

I woke up covered in sweat, and it wasn’t a relief to me at all that it had only been a dream.

♥

  


  
**8\. i didn’t think you’d care**   


At breakfast the next day, Joseph was clearly ignoring my existence. Nicholas was overcompensating by being exceedingly pleasant, but I only resented him for it. However, when I snapped at him and he finally quietened, I felt guilty. I could only drink tea for breakfast. I felt sick.

Later on in the morning I went into the drawing room to find Nicholas playing solitaire. The room was small, but much more spacious than the cabins. It had several armchairs and was where most of the passengers spent their days. However, Joseph was nowhere in sight. I sat in the chair next to Nicholas. He acknowledged me by nodding his head in my direction but his attention did not wane from his game.

I cleared my throat. “Er… I apologise for my behaviour this morning. It was very rude.”

“It’s fine,” Nicholas said. “I think we are all suffering from cabin fever a little. Although you and Joseph seem to be afflicted more than anyone else.” His eyes were still on his cards.

I shifted uncomfortably. “That’s just a coincidence.”

Nicholas finally looked up. He raised an eyebrow. “Is it?”

I could feel myself blushing. I had obviously just admitted that it wasn’t a coincidence at all. I should have kept my mouth shut.

Nicholas laughed quietly. “I know what my brother is like. And I have accepted the way he is, even if our parents haven’t.”

I listened closely. Nicholas’s statement was cryptic, but I was quite sure I understood. Joseph was different, just like me.

Nicholas continued, “You seem very nice, if a little odd. I really hope whatever has transpired between the two of you can be fixed. And just so you know, Joseph is used to hiding his feelings, he puts on a mask. I’m sure you can understand that. He sometimes acts in ways that aren’t really in his character. Please don’t judge him just yet.”

And with that, he picked up his cards and left the room.

♥

  


  
**9\. who you were and your story**   


I realised that it wasn’t entirely father’s, or society’s, fault that I had felt caged. They played a part, but mainly I was enslaving myself. As I struggled to break free from their rules, there was a part of me that wouldn’t let go, because I was afraid.

I knew I had to talk to Joseph.

I found him out on the deck; he was leaning over the side of the ship, staring at the bubbling waves. I thought maybe I would be disturbing him, and wondered if I should talk to him later on, but decided if I didn’t do it then, I never would.

“Excuse me? Joseph?” my voice sounded childish and pathetic.

He turned around to face me, but didn’t say anything, just raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“Can we talk?” I asked. He shrugged noncommittally. I gulped.

“It’s my turn to apologise,” I said weakly. “I acted foolishly. I just… I was very shocked and scared. I have never been in a situation like that before. I wasn’t ready for it.”

Joseph’s face softened. “Are you ready for it now?”

I stared down at my feet. “I’m not sure. I’m just so unprepared. I can travel by myself to a new country knowing things will be different, and wanting that, but this… I think that… I think that I want it so badly that I’m afraid of it.”

Joseph took a step towards me. “Please don’t be afraid,” he said quietly. “Trust me.”

I looked up and into his eyes and couldn’t help but trust him. I nodded. “Would you like to come and talk in my room? I mean, where we can have some privacy?”

“Yes.” He led the way.

In my room, we sat side by side on my narrow little bed. It was so very strange, so utterly personal. We were so close that our shoulders were touching. The close proximity sent a thrilling sensation all through my body; it was something I had never felt before.

I watched in awe as Joseph took my hand and lightly squeezed it. “I knew that you and I were the same the first time I saw you,” he said.

“How?”

“I just knew. I also knew you were hiding, and scared. I wanted to make you just… accept who you were. I’m sorry I was impatient.”

I shook my head, “I’m glad you were. Now.”

“I started to like you very much. I think maybe that’s why I was so eager. I felt awful when I thought you… hated me.”

“I never hated you. I was just very uncomfortable around you,” I admitted. “Everything you made me feel, I wasn’t used to. It was easiest to be angry. But that’s not what I want. I want to be me, I want to be happy. And I want to be confident, like you.”

Joseph looked down at our clasped hands and sighed. “Have you not noticed how controlling Nicholas is with me?”

I was surprised at the sudden change of atmosphere. I quickly thought about the way Joseph and Nicholas interacted with each other. Maybe Nicholas was a little bossy, and more serious that Joseph, but I didn’t think he was controlling. I could tell he cared about Joseph a great deal.

I shook my head. “Not really,” I said apologetically.

“Well, maybe he isn’t that controlling,” he admitted. “But he _tries_ to be, and it is because he is following my parents’ orders. I did not want to come to New Zealand, but my parents forced me to. They didn’t like my behaviour; I was an embarrassment to them.”

I felt uneasy about this announcement, but I wouldn’t let it show on my face. I didn’t want to ruin this moment of closeness that I was having with him.

He continued, “When my brother decided he was going to go to New Zealand my parents decided this was a perfect opportunity to get rid of me. Though that wasn’t what they said, they said it would help me to grow up and be more responsible like Nicholas. And I didn’t have a choice; they said if I didn’t go they would disown me.”

I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. My parents would never have done that to me, even if I had refused to marry Danielle. I also felt myself getting angry again. I did not like Joseph for bringing it up. My moment of happiness had been so brief. Not only that, but I didn’t expect him to have such immense problems of his own. I felt helpless.

“That’s why I really want to find gold there. I can make my own fortune, I won’t need them. And I’ll go back home and show them that I don’t need them. If you really don’t know what you’re going to do when you get to New Zealand, you can come and find gold with me,” he finished.

All I could do was stare at him. He wanted to go back? My heart was sinking rapidly. I knew it was selfish but all I could think about was that if he was so discontent with his own life, how was he ever going to make me happy? I thought that was what he wanted, to make me happy, but suddenly it seemed like he wasn’t interested in that at all. I was a mere distraction to him while we were on this ship, and he would forget about me as soon as we got to New Zealand.

I wasn’t going to get the happy ending I wanted.

He seemed to notice I had gone very quiet and he squeezed my hand. “What about you anyway?” he asked. “Why did you leave? You still haven’t told anyone why. You can tell me.”

“I… I ran away,” I said as I tried to prevent myself from crying.

“Why?”

“Because my parents wanted me to marry a girl I didn’t love, and I was sick of living such a lie. No one is truthful with anyone.” I pulled my hand away from his grasp.

“You ran away from a family who loves you?” he whispered. I didn’t reply. I folded my arms and stared at the wall. “How could you?”

“I didn’t think I had a choice!” I said angrily. I couldn’t believe he was getting mad at _me_.

“No. Being forced into leaving your family because you are an embarrassment to them is what I call not having a choice.”

I stood up from the bed, walked to the door and opened it. “I don’t care what you think.”

We didn’t look at each other as he stormed out of the room.

♥

  


  
**10\. i’ve left my heart to you**   


I didn’t leave my room for the rest of the day. I had hardly eaten since yesterday, but I didn’t think I could hold anything down anyway. I lay on my bed and wished I had never left home. I should have just stayed and married Danielle, maybe I wouldn’t have been truly happy, but at least I wouldn’t have a broken heart.

There was a knock on my door around dinner time but I was too depressed to answer it. I also looked absolutely awful due to the fact I had been sobbing for several hours. But the person on the other side of the door was very persistent and eventually I was too irritated to ignore it.

It was Nicholas. “I brought you something to eat,” he said, holding up a plate of bread. I opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in. He set the plate down on my nightstand and then sat down on my bed. I followed.

“Joseph told me what happened,” he said. I just picked at a stray thread on my sleeve. “He’s not angry anymore. At least, not about the reason why you left your home. He understands. However, he is still angry about you telling him to leave, and saying you don’t care what he thinks. Do you want to tell me about it?”

I felt fresh tears threaten to spill onto my cheeks. “It’s just that… I thought maybe he and I could… I don’t know. Be together. Maybe we could start a farm together or something, like you, a new life. But then he told me he intends to find gold and go back home. He doesn’t want me. I don’t know why I thought he did.”

Nicholas looked thoughtful. “Well, he does want you. I know that much.”

“It doesn’t matter. I will never be his priority. I thought it would be perfect. I suddenly thought he was perfect, a knight in shining armour. I thought my problems were solved.”

“You can’t expect him to solve your problems Kevin, he has his own,” he said bluntly.

I shook my head. “Exactly. I don’t know if I’m ready for that. It’s all too much for me.”

“I think that if Joseph is willing to be with you, when you are damaged, you should be willing to do the same. Everyone has troubles, Kevin.” He stood up and walked to the door, “Just think about it.”

♥

  


  
**11\. magic**   


The more I thought about it, the more I realised he was right. When I had discovered Joseph liked me, I had clung to it and my imagination had taken over. I had thought of him as someone he obviously wasn’t. I knew he was flawed, just like I was, and I had to accept him that way. I realised I _liked_ him that way. I wanted him no matter what, even if it was just for a short amount of time. I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t forgive him.

As I left my room to go and find him, I saw that he was walking down the narrow hallway towards me. “Hello,” I said awkwardly, “I was just about to come and talk to you.”

“So was I,” he said. “Shall we?”

I nodded and we went back into my room. “It seems like I’m always apologising to you,” he said as he took a seat. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too. I’m sorry.”

“I know I upset you when I told you about that situation with my parents. I shouldn’t be so bitter about it. I should probably be glad they sent me away; I wouldn’t have met you otherwise. And I can’t be mad at you for running away either, for that same reason. You know, when I first met you, I saw something in you that reminded me of them. You were scared of difference. But now I see that you aren’t like them at all. You rebelled against people like them when you ran away.”

“But you were right,” I said. “I was still scared of being different.”

“It doesn’t matter. I know you’re not anymore. I want to be with you, Kevin. You should know I would _never_ give up on you just to hurt my parents. You are so much more important to me, I promise.”

It was exactly what I needed to hear. Maybe he wasn’t a knight, but he was more than I could ever ask for. I shrugged. “Well, maybe we could go back One Day. I’ve tried to write so many letters telling them how sorry I am.”

Joseph smiled at me, it felt strangely as if he was seeing me for the first time. I think he was rewriting our meeting. “Come here,” he said.

I sat down next to him and he pulled me close. I inhaled his scent deeply. His embrace was intoxicating. For the second time, his fingers brushed across my cheek, and this time I absorbed it, I loved it.

When his lips touched mine it was like Seeing Colours for the first time.

♥

  


  
**12\. life here with me**   


Everyone hurried onto the deck when New Zealand came into view. We were all so eager to see land, and our new home. I thought it was beautiful, but still not as beautiful as the man standing next to me. I didn’t have any real desire to paint the land, as I had expected I would. Because, instead of painting what I desired, for once, my reality succeeded my desires. Artificial colours would never be able to do justice to what I was experiencing for the first time in my life.

It turns out I did get the happy ending I wanted. Although, as we approached the shore, with its emerald waves lapping at the opalescent sand, I squeezed Joseph’s hand, and I knew that my life had really only just begun.


End file.
